Resolution
by LemonMeringueTart
Summary: Takes place immediately after this season's finale (aired 9/10/13) Jane has a difficult decision to make - should she marry Casey? Maura struggles with her feelings for Jane. I hate summaries. Here's the deal: we all know Jane & Maura are in love, right? Of course. Okay. Then read the story. This story is a stand-alone and doesn't go with any of the other fics I've written.
1. Chapter 1

This is a stand-alone story that takes place immediately after this season's summer finale (aired 9/10/13). It has nothing to do with my other R&I works on this site, and I'm not sure if it's just a one-shot or if I will continue it. If you like it and think it would make a good multi-chapter fic, let me know.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, even though I had no doubt as to what Jane said.

"Casey asked me to marry him," Jane repeated, a strange funny smile on her face. If I were thinking clearly, I could've easily deciphered the meaning behind her smile using my new 'Biomedical Image Analysis' software.

Even science can't distract me right now.

I will never forget the first moment I knew I was in love with Jane. It was a typical morning; average weather, average case load, and Jane made her way down to the morgue with coffee for me 'just to say hello' as usual. We chatted, shared department gossip, and enjoyed each other's company. As the small talk waned, I felt her looking at me. Self-consciously I asked if I had something in my teeth or if my hair was mussed. She gave me her trademark Rizzoli grin and laughed, telling me that I looked perfect as always.

I have had men (and women, truthfully) look at me with nothing but lust in their eyes. I have had my parents look at me in a way that made me know they loved me. But I have never had anyone look at me the way that Jane was looking at me in that moment. It was lust and familial love combined with something so much more. It was a vibrant, heady, rich feeling. I suddenly felt as if I were the most sensual, powerful, wonderful woman on the planet. It was terrifying. I wasn't ready for anyone, let alone Jane, to look at me like that. What if we tried a relationship and it didn't work out? I had no one else in my life that I was close with – Jane was my best friend; my only friend truthfully. I couldn't bear to lose her if we made an attempt at a romantic relationship

That evening, over one too many glasses of wine, I told myself that I'd rather have Jane in my life as a friend than as nothing at all. It was a weak and foolish decision, but it was the only one I was comfortable with at that time. I purposely began to pull away from her and talk about men and dating, and in turn I felt her do the same. But there were still always those quick looks, those glancing touches, which let me know her feelings hadn't changed. And I tried to reciprocate; sharing things with her that showed her my vulnerability with her, spending as much time with her as possible, allowing her to hug and hold me if I were upset. She did the same, and we became even closer than we had been before. I thought we were on the same page. Based on today's turn of events, I obviously thought wrong.

Jane continued to stare at me, still wearing that smile. She was waiting for me to say something; her posture forward, eyes wide and welcoming, and her breaths rapid and shallow.

I opted for a clearly defensive posture with my shoulders back, eyes narrowed, chin elevated, and my breathing slowed to almost to my normal sedentary rate.

"You're an idiot." I turned and walked away from her, unable to look at her for one second longer.

"Maura!" Jane shouted after me, but I kept walking. I quickly exited the home and walked briskly toward my car. I felt a pang of guilt about leaving Jane and Casey in South Boston without transportation back, but it faded quickly. Casey is a resilient man, I'm sure if he can find his way out of Afghanistan, he can manage to get Jane home safely.

I fumbled around inside my purse for my keys. Finding them, I angrily unlocked my car and threw my purse onto the passenger seat. Just as I was about to get in, I felt a hand grab my arm. Although it made no logical sense, I knew by the way my body reacted to the touch that it's Jane. My stomach dropped and my legs actually began to quiver. I knew I was going to lose control in the parking lot, in public no less, and the very thought of it was overwhelming.

Turning around, I wasn't surprised to see the hurt in her eyes. She let go of my arm and outstretched her hands, but said nothing. This was unexpected – Jane Rizzoli is never at a loss for words.

"I have nothing to say to you right now," I told her, keeping my posture as rigid as possible. I was proud at the amount of composure I maintained. "I wish you the best of luck."

"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" Jane asked, smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes. When I didn't respond, she continued, "Seriously Maur, are you okay? What did I do to make you call me an idiot?"

"You're an idiot because you can't see what's right in front of your face, Jane."

"I know what's in front of my face Maura. I just don't know what to do. I mean, how can you ask for a better guy than Casey? He's handsome, caring, and really wants to take care of me." Jane continued to talk about all of Casey's virtues, in which she said 'handsome' four times in the span of twenty seconds, and in order to avoid saying something else that I shouldn't say, I allowed my mind to wander.

When I was a small child, I was stung by a wasp while playing outside. I don't remember the entire event, but I do recall my mother overreacting about the situation. She picked me up, shouting and screaming, and raced inside. I remember her shoving pink pills down my throat and then nervously staring at me with tears streaming down her cheeks for what felt like an eternity. I calmly sat on the counter, fascinated by where the stinger was in my arm, and didn't understand why she was so upset – I was the one who had gotten hurt, not her.

As an adult, now I can understand her fear. Where I was adopted, my medical history and list of familial allergies was unknown to my adoptive parents. Where it was my first time being stung, my mother had no way of knowing if I was going to go into anaphylactic shock and I commend her quick thinking with giving me Benadryl; although she did give me three times the recommended dosage for my size and weight at that time.

Regardless, I felt like I have again been stung, I am in pain, and instead of being able to process it myself, I am forced to process it through the woman standing in front of me.

"Maura, are you even listening to me?"

"Yes Jane, I am. He's very handsome," I spat out.

"Whoa, okay, someone is clearly having a problem here," Jane responded, her hands gesturing wildly.

"I'm not the one with the problem," I argue back.

"Yeah, I know I have a huge problem," she said, putting emphasis on the 'know'. "I don't know if I should get married or not, and that's a major deal for me right now. And I'd like my best friend to help me out with this." She took my hands in hers and the contact was almost too much to bear. "Maur, I need your help. I don't know what to do. He needs an answer."

If I wasn't in love with her, I would have felt sorry for her. She looked downright pathetic with her lower lip stuck out and hunched posture.

Her hands were warm in mine; her delicately strong fingers wrapped around mine fit better than any cashmere glove I've ever worn. It was too much for me to bear and I pushed her hands away with power I didn't know I had.

"Do you know what I think, Jane? I think you're a pathetic excuse for a human being. You are such a gifted detective and can solve crimes on a shred of evidence yet you can't see the obvious clues that have been in front of you for years. You are numb to your own feelings and desires, dependent on your mother's opinion of how you should live your life, and too weak to do what you know is right."

Her eyes flashed with anger and I knew I hit a nerve.

"What does my mother have to do with this?" She asked. "She wants me to marry Casey."

I let out an angry bark of laughter. "Of course that would be your response, wouldn't it?"

"I thought you loved my mother?" She asked dumbly.

"I do love your mother. What I don't love is hearing her talk incessantly about walking in to your and Casey's love shack with you wearing nothing more than a shirt and how adorable of a couple the two of you make and how beautiful your children will be!" I was on a roll and my words came fast and frantic. "Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? I've opened my heart and my home to this woman who I love like a mother and am now forced to hear her babble incessantly on about your happiness with Casey."

"Are you jealous?" Jane asked blankly, and I clenched my fists and she continued on obliviously. "Maura, I know you haven't had great luck with men lately, but you'll find someone, I promise."

A shout distracted us, and we turned to see Casey standing outside the door waving at us. Jane waved back as he began walking toward us. She turned her attention back to me and I suddenly felt like a feral cat backed into a corner. Fight or flight, I told myself as Casey approached.

My voice and eyes lowered, I give her my response. I didn't want to tell her like this. "That's the problem. I already have found someone."

Jane's eyes lit up and she gave me a genuine smile. She was trying to be happy for me, but as I studied her face I could tell her next remark was forced. "That's great – who is it? And why are we fighting?"

"We're fighting because you're an idiot. And unfortunately for me, I'm in love with you. And I'm finally brave enough to say it instead of tiptoeing around the situation like we have been for years. I don't want to find some 'guy', Jane. I want you. And I thought you felt the same but I was wrong. So I guess that makes me the idiot." I couldn't meet her eyes, I was too afraid of what I'd see there. The tension between us was palpable and I needed to get as far away from her as possible.

"Maura, I.." she starts and I harshly interrupt her.

"Don't, Jane. I hope you find the happiness you deserve with Casey." Before she could say anything further, I slid into my car and turned it on. "Let's go please."

"Ladies, I wasn't aware that we were leaving so soon. I hope you weren't waiting for me long." Casey said as he approached and I felt my stomach clench at his attempted charm. Inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes and willed myself to calm down. I am in no condition to drive. I had no intention of voicing my feelings to Jane like this. I assumed Casey would leave again after a short visit, which he always did, and things would go back to normal between Jane and myself.

Tears threatened to fall so I quickly found my sunglasses in my purse and pushed them onto my face with trembling fingers.

"I apologize for my abrupt exit, Casey. I needed some fresh air."

Jane continued to stand rooted in the parking lot staring at me through my driver's side window. Casey glanced at her, placed a tentative hand on her shoulder and shrugged when we received no response. He quickly got into the back seat.

"Are you feeling unwell, Maura?" He asked, and I remind myself again that none of this is his fault. He has done nothing wrong, other than fall in love with my best friend. I can't blame him.

"Yes I am, actually." I swallowed with much difficulty and glanced at him in the review mirror. He looks between Jane and me, evidently concerned.

"Did I miss something?" He asked, his voice thick.

I ignored him. I hate to be rude, but he isn't my problem to deal with.

"Everything's fine," Jane assured him as she slid into the passenger seat and fastened her seatbelt. Her scarred hands trembled like I haven't seen in a long time and it was obvious that she was upset. "Maura and I were just going over a few things."

He was easily swayed and looked content as he reclined against the rear seat. "I'm sure the two of you need to go back to work for a bit. Maura, would you mind dropping me at Jane's apartment?"

"Not at all," I responded as I felt Jane stiffen next to me, "I'm actually going to go home and rest. Jane, I'll drop you at the station first."

She nodded stiffly. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she reached over to turn on the radio. Casey hummed along aimlessly and she began tapping her fingers against her pants. I could tell she wanted to say something, but she didn't have the courage to do so. She didn't need to go back to the station; her case wrapped and paperwork completed.

I navigated through the light traffic easily. I left Jane off outside of the station and noted with pleasure that she barely said goodbye to Cases even though he hurried out of the rear seat in order to open her door for her. He looked very confused sitting in the vacated front seat. We drove in silence, the low tones of the radio in the background.

"Can I ask you a question?" He inquired less than a mile from Jane's block. "As Jane's best friend I'm hoping you may be shed some light on a few things for me."

I sighed quietly. "Casey, I have no insights as to Jane's behavior or emotional state. She's a very complex woman. If you need to ask something, you should just ask her."

"Point taken," he said, putting his hands up in front of his torso. "I'm sure she appreciates your loyalty."

I nodded in response. We sat quietly at a red light only three blocks from Jane's apartment.

He suddenly snorted. "I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to cook and clean for her. Help her out with household stuff because she's always so busy at work. Hell, I've been in the military for a long time. Sometimes it's nice to do mindless tasks such as laundry." He paused, clearly searching for the right words to say next. "Then she tells me that she's 'always wanted a wife'. What the hell does that mean?" The pitch of his voice rose, an indication of his frustration and anger. "Here I'm trying to help her out with things she hates to do, and then she emasculates me?"

"I don't think that was her intention," I respond, biting the corner of my cheek to keep from smiling; did she really say that to him? "Jane has a peculiar sense of humor. I'm sure she was likening your housework to the stereotypical gender roles assigned to our modern society. Women complete housework, men go out and catch the bad guys. Jane deals with these stereotypes daily, and humor is her way of coping with subjects she has a difficult time processing."

I finished my sentence just as I pulled up to Jane's apartment.

"Thanks," he muttered as he exited my car. I drove away before I could watch him walk up the stairs.

The rest of the drive home was painful. I tried valiantly to pretend that the events of the last hour never happened. I thought about other things; if my grandfather would enjoy his time at the home, if Paddy would appreciate me helping to take care of his father, if my sister was sticking to her self-appointed study schedule yet still find time to see her friends, what type of vegetables I should try to grow for Bass using hydroponics this winter, and if my Amazon Prime order had shipped yet.

I failed miserably. My thoughts were only of Jane; her mane of wild hair and kind eyes. The way her voice was so soft and warm in the mornings before her coffee. The way she said my name – her mouth formed the letters to make them sound like the low rumble of thunder before a rainstorm. I thought of her hands, damaged yet still so graceful and expressive. The way her body fit naturally around mine when we hugged. I've never felt comfortable around anyone before; that is until I met Jane.

I numbly changed my clothes, fed Bass, and crawled onto the couch. Covering myself with a blanket, I turned on the television and scrolled through my Netflix queue.

"Might as well watch Orange is the New Black," I spoke aloud to myself, knowing Jane & I had planned to marathon it next weekend. I'm sure that will never happen now that she'll be planning a wedding. Blinking back tears, I pressed 'play' and prepared to lose myself in someone else's drama for a while.

A soft knock at my front door caused me to mute the television. It was so late; almost midnight.

"Hello?" I asked, and stood on my tiptoes to look through the peephole. Jane was hunched in front of the front door, her head down.

"Maur," A strangled voice croaked out and I flung the door open, afraid that Jane was injured.

My eyes roamed over her, checking for injuries. She was obviously fine despite her red-rimmed eyes and a distinct amount of puffiness under each eyelid. She had been crying.

Despite her impressive height and toned physique, she looked small. Her hands fidgeted with the front pocket of her hooded sweatshirt. I could tell by her labored breathing and signs of perspiration that she had jogged here from her house.

"I told him yes," she said as her eyes frantically searched mine.

"Then why are you here?" I responded coolly, taking a step back to distance myself from her.

She didn't answer. Her eyes bored into mine and I saw it – that look – in the depths of her eyes. Without warning she lunged forward and kissed me. Within seconds, her hands found themselves tangled in my hair as she pressed me closer to her. I needed no encouragement and allowed my fingers to explore the rugged femininity of her waist and back. She was perfection in my arms and I never wanted this feeling to stop.

The first touch of her tongue to mine was electric and I felt the jolt down through my toes. She kissed me more deeply and intimate than I thought would be possible.

When she finally ended the kiss, her fingers were still entwined in my hair. Pressing her forehead to mine, I knew she didn't have the resolve to look me in the eyes.

"I love you," she breathed and her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Goddamn you. I'm in love with you."

_To be continued? _


	2. Chapter 2

WOW - I'm a bit overwhelmed by the responses / reviews / messages about this story - thanks! I'll continue it for a bit and see how it plays out.

* * *

The word love is used exorbitantly in my daily life. For example, on Monday I told Jane that I 'loved' the restaurant we had lunch in and 'loved' the way her cobalt blue sweater complimented her coloring.

But love wasn't the correct word to properly describe my feelings. I enjoyed dining at our new favorite lunch spot and feel strongly that Jane should wear a darker-hued blue more often.

I know now to reserve the use of love for more important matters.

For love is tattered and uncertain, standing on my doorstep in the darkness. Love is anguish and choices wrapped up in a cloud of desire and longing. Love is broken promises, new declarations, and savaged wounds. Love is frantic kisses, clutched fingers, roughly palmed breasts, and feather-light touches so tender that they are no more than a whisper across skin.

Looking into Jane's wild eyes, at that moment I saw love. And I knew that I will never be able to be without it again.

"I should go," she said, looking guiltily at the door. "I know I shouldn't have come here, but I had to tell you." She hadn't taken a step inside my house; as if her crossing the threshold here would sway her decision of what to do and who to choose unfairly in my favor.

"I'll drive you," I told her quickly. I'm desperate for more time with her, more frantic kisses and stolen touches. I quickly brush aside the thought that I'd be driving her home literally into the hands of Casey. I don't want her to be out alone right now; it's dangerous for her to be out so late. My neighborhood is relatively safe, but there are several dicey streets between where I live and where she does.

"No." The quickness in her voice caught us both off-guard. She smiled to gentle the roughness in her voice. "I need some time alone right now."

I nodded in response. Growing up as an avid equestrian, I've seen that look in her eyes many times; that of a half-wild horse startled by something they didn't expect. The more I push, the faster she will retreat. Her nostrils were slightly flared and she looked ready to bolt. Averting my eyes I consciously turned my head and pretended I found the doorframe fascinating. She instantly calmed and I know my tactics worked.

"I know you can take care of yourself, Jane." My voice was lilting and slow. "Please be careful. Text me when you get in so I know you're safe," I told her as I extended a hand shakily toward her before lightly placing it on her jacketed forearm.

She nodded curtly and I felt her muscles twitch under my touch. I hope that wasn't a wrong move.

"Maur," she started and then stopped, shrugging weakly. The look in her eyes told me my touch wasn't unwelcome, so I left my hand. Smiling at her for the first time tonight, I realize just how much she is struggling. My heart ached for her and it's clear to me just how desperately I want for her to choose me.

"It's okay." I responded simply and squeezed her arm.

"It's not. You deserve better. He deserves better." She ducked her head, but not before I saw her eyes become wet with unshed tears. "I've never felt like this before."

"Felt like what?"

"Letting fear control me." Her voice was thick and low, like molasses on a warm summer day.

"How is fear controlled you, Jane? What are you afraid of?" I kept my voice as gentle as possible, not wanting to overwhelm her.

Her haunted eyes met mine. "You. I'm afraid of you" She choked back a sob before continuing; "you make me feel things that I didn't know I could feel. I think of stupid things that I want to do with you, like go to the grocery store and go bowling. And I hate grocery shopping. And I hate bowling. When I'm not around you I miss you. Constantly. When I'm around you I feel great but I start to get freaked out about thinking about leaving you. I think about you all the time. I think you're beautiful and funny and smart and sexy." Before she could stop herself she reached out, grabbed me roughly and pulled me toward her; snuffling my head and neck like an overzealous puppy. "Your hair always smells good. How is that possible? You're so soft and little and you fit perfectly in my arms. And I just want to keep kissing you." I almost melted as she peppered kisses up and down my neck and couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips when she nibbled a spot and then quickly soothed the sting away with her tongue.

This wasn't good. She wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready for this. Powerless, I lolled my head back and gave her full access to my neck. She held me so close; like I was her most delicate and precious possession. Gaining confidence, she ran her hands over my back and buttocks as if she was trying to memorize every inch of me. Her mouth attached itself to my neck and I closed my eyes and moaned in response.

"Jane. Please don't go." I begged her and she bit down on my neck gently in reply.

"I have to go." She apologized with her eyes as she let me go; her feet still rooted behind the threshold. I reached for her again and she took a step back; her Rizzoli smile beginning to creep onto her mouth.

"No fair," she said, allowing herself to grin further. I couldn't help but smile back at her. "You're beautiful," she told me. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

I blushed.

"I'll let you know when I get home. I promise." And with that, she turned and began to jog home. I stood at the door, unable to take my eyes off of her and just before she got out of sight she turned and waved.

I waved back, staring out into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

I spent the next hour staring at my phone, watching the minutes slowly add up. At Jane's normal jogging pace, the trip should have taken no longer than thirty-three minutes; thirty-three minutes and forty-seven seconds if she stopped to tie her shoelaces that she stubbornly refuses to double-knot.

When fifty minutes passed without hearing from her, I became nervous. I tried to calm my nerves, telling myself that it was possible that she had taken a longer route. She seemed hesitant to leave and I'm sure she didn't want to return to Casey after our encounter. It was so late; I hated to think of her out alone at this time of night.

Giving in, I texted her. _I wanted to make sure you made it home safe._

The three dots appeared almost immediately to show me that she was typing. My shoulders instantly relaxed as I breathed in a sigh of relief.

_I'm here. I'm sorry. I had to shower. I was hoping you went to sleep and didn't want to wake you._

I couldn't help but smile at my phone; just reading her words made me feel closer to her.

_I'll be able to sleep now that I know you're safe. I know you can take care of yourself, but I still worry about you._

_I know. Get some rest._

I didn't reply right away, not knowing how to finish the conversation with her. What was appropriate in this situation? I had no idea. Awkwardly, I began to chew the corner of my lip as I contemplated what to type next. There was so much that have been left unsaid between us.

Just as I began to type (my intention was simple 'goodnight') another message from Jane came through.

_I know this is hard, Maur. And I don't know what to do next and I certainly can't make any promises as to what is going to happen. But I meant every word I said. XO. _

At that moment, I believed her.

* * *

My front door slammed, waking me abruptly. Startled, I shot upright in bed, clutching the covers to my chest.

"Maura!"

I sighed. Angela.

"Maura, wake up! I have fantastic news!"

"I'll be right there," I called to her. Exhaling, I dressed quickly and met her in the kitchen. Her eyes were flashing and she looked positively giddy.

"Good morning," I greeted her warily as I set about making a pot of tea. I had a sinking suspicion as to what she was going to say.

"Jane's getting married!" She said to my back as I turned the burner on. She obviously wasn't able to contain herself any longer.

"I know," I responded as I slowly turned around, "She told me last night."

"Isn't this exciting? You have to help me plan the wedding. We both know that Jane will be no help at all. I don't even know if I'll be able to get her in a dress. She said she doesn't want to make a big fuss, but she's my only daughter and I've dreamed about this day since she was a little girl! I know what's best for her. Casey's such a sweet man! Don't tell her I already booked the church." Angela continued to babble on as I felt sick and clutched my stomach in response.

"What?" I asked as my voice caught in my throat. "I didn't know they had picked a date."

"I picked it for her. She was being so indecisive! I told her that she was crazy if she thought she could put this off now that she finally made a commitment. Casey said he'd rather do it sooner than later, so I'm planning it for the beginning of December. It's short timing, but I know we can pull it off. Just imagine it – Jane in white! A Winter wedding!"

That was less than three months from now. My face paled and I felt waves of nausea roll through my torso, causing my breathing to quicken. I actually felt as if I was going to have an anxiety attack and I clutched onto the counter for support.

"Maura, honey, are you okay?" Angela looked genuinely concerned as she quickly came to my side. Putting the back of her hand on my forehead, she exuded motherly warmth. It broke my heart.

She tilted me head up to look into her eyes. "You're pale, sweetie, why don't you go lay down? We can plan Janie's big day later on when you're feeling better."

I nodded numbly as I let her help me over to the couch. She pulled a blanket over me and hustled back to the kitchen when the tea kettle started to whistle. I remained there, wishing I could disappear under the blanket, while she fussed around in my kitchen.

It would be so easy to make things right. Jane could send Casey on his way, preferably without a goodbye kiss, and tell her mother to call off the wedding. Sure, Angela would be upset, but her daughter's happiness was surely more important to her than planning a wedding. Wasn't it?

A few minutes later she brought me a cup of tea and a small plate of scrambled eggs and toast. "My mother used to make me this when I wasn't feeling well," she said warmly, and I offered her a weak smile. "Would you like me to sit with you for a while?"

Tears filled my eyes as I shook my head. I couldn't help but want her here; I loved Angela like a mother. She had been more of a nurturing presence in my life than both my biological and adopted mother had ever been. However, I wasn't in any place to hear about her plans for Jane's wedding right now. I knew she was so excited for it and wouldn't be able to resist going over all of the details.

"I don't want to keep you, Angela. I know you have a lot to do. I appreciate you making me breakfast."

She looked at me suspiciously, and I know she spotted the tears threatening to spill over my cheeks.

"Really, I'm fine." I cleared my throat. "I feel really tired and run-down. Perhaps I've picked up a bug. I'm going to eat and go back to bed for a bit."

She looked a bit assuaged. "I'll call you later to check on you."

"Thank you." I smiled at her tiredly.

As she let herself out, I allowed the tears to fall.

When I was seven years old, my parents decided to take a vacation to Disney World. I recall very clearly not wanting to go, as I had no doubts that the life-sized characters were nothing more than people in costumes. Once we arrived, I found it charming enough, but would have rather spent returned to the Natural History Museum where I celebrated my birthday earlier in the year. Regardless, we had a nice time and I enjoyed the nightly firework displays.

One evening, after watching the fireworks over Cinderella's castle, we were walking through the crowd, on our way back to the hotel. I firmly clutched my mother's hand, hating the large number of loud people that always seemed to be aimlessly walking around. The History Museum was always so quiet and peaceful, the polar opposite of this overwhelming and humid place.

My father had bought me a cap with Minnie Mouse ears on the top and had my name stitched on the back, just like the official members of the Mickey Mouse Club wore. Without any warning, they slipped off of my head and onto the ground in the ground. I let go of my mother's hand just for a second, frantically trying to locate them before they were stepped on.

To my horror, my parents kept walking, oblivious to the fact that I wasn't with them any longer. Torn between following them and finding my ears, I stood powerless, unable to do anything at all. I clearly recall being absolutely frozen in fear. While I now know that that is not scientifically possible, my seven-year-old self was unable to cope with the overwhelming anxiety of both the loss of my parents and my coveted cap. I was breathing so fast I was on the verge of hyperventilating. Tears blurred my eyes, and I could barely make out the forms of my parents who were disappearing quickly into the crowd.

I called to them, panicky, but my meek voice was lost in the sea of people clamoring all around me. Just before they were completely out of sight I was able to take one small step toward them. Elated by my victory, my muscles continued to respond and I ran in their direction as I wildly called to them.

The crowd was alive, like a giant rolling wave of human limbs and torsos, and my small frame was easily pushed aside. I don't know how long I pursued them, but finally exhaustion set in and I was forced to stop, utterly defeated.

Being left behind was awful. I was an intelligent enough child to know the horrors that could possibly await me. I knew about children being abducted, sold into slavery, exploited even. I may have not understood all of the implications of what those things meant, but I knew that no good could come of being alone in such a public place.

The fears running through my head were nothing compared to the hollow feeling that engulfed me. I was so easily discarded by the two people who were supposed to love me the most. They didn't even know I was gone. I was holding my mother's hand and abruptly pulled away from her. She should have instantly realized something was amiss and noticed I wasn't with her. Even if she failed to notice immediately, how could she and my father not realize I was gone? Did they make it all the way back to the hotel before appreciating the fact they were alone?

I was always the third wheel. My childhood friends, many of them the victims of a broken home, always told me how lucky I was that I had two parents who were so in love with each other. While it was comforting to know they truly did enjoy each other's company, I had continuously felt that because they were so enraptured with each other that there wasn't any love left over for me. They took care of me, granted every wish, but were stingy with their affection. They gave all they had to each other; there just wasn't any room for me. Perhaps if I had been their biological child things would have been different. Conceivably, their child would have been tangible proof of the love they shared with each other. However, I was viewed and treated quite differently.

I'm not sure how long I stood there. The crowd thinned as the park lights dimmed. It was almost closing time. I stood there, alone, unseen by the families walking around me. No one asked if I was lost, no one offered me a jacket against the chilly evening air. If I wasn't such an intelligent child, I could have easily been convinced that I had been turned invisible.

Finally, I heard a warm voice call my name.

"Maura?"

I turned, unfrozen by the sound of my name. A tall man was standing behind me, holding my cap. "Are you Maura?" He asked, kneeling down so he was closer to my level. Holding the cap out to me, he smiled. He had a police officer's uniform on, so I knew I could trust him.

"Yes." My voice was barely above a whisper when I replied. I grabbed my cap from him and placed it back on my head. It was dented and dirty from where it had been kicked and stepped on. I didn't care; it was proof that I wasn't there alone. It was proof that my daddy loved me enough to buy it for me and have my name put on it. "I'm Maura, Maura Isles." I had found my voice. "I'm lost."

"You're not lost anymore, Maura Isles," he replied with a kind grin. "I found you. C'mon, your parents are waiting for you."

I allowed him to take my hand and lead me back to my parents.

I'll never forget how it felt to be standing there, alone in the crowd. Many times throughout my life I've felt that way, but never as strongly as the present. Jane was always the one who would seek me out in the crowd and make me feel found again.

Now that she will marry Casey, there will be no one to seek me out. No one to take my hand and lead me back into the light. No one to dust me off and make things right again. I'll again be the third wheel, as I had always been, and watch love blossom around me but be unable to feel its warmth.

Unable to control myself any longer, my sobs overtook me as I cried for the loss of Jane.


	4. Chapter 4

The blissful place between repose and waking is where I preferred to linger as long as possible. For here, semi-conscious and caught in the haze of persistent dreams, my imagination could run wild and I could loiter in a state of complete happiness.

Realistically, I knew that it was the middle of the afternoon. I must have cried myself to sleep after Angela left. I don't remember finding my way to my bedroom and pulling all of the curtains closed, but I could tell from behind my closed eyelids that the bright sun was straining to flood the room with light; indicating that it was at least after noon.

I squeezed my eyelids tight, insisting on remaining lost in my vivid dreams. In them, Jane had come to me to tell me that the engagement was off and we could be together. It was so real that I swore I could still smell her scent on my pillows. I loved how the spicy cinnamon tones meshed complimented the peach body lotion she was so fond of.

My eyes still closed, I furrowed my brow. It was highly unlikely to experience olfactory sensations while dreaming.

It was then I realized I wasn't in bed alone.

I jumped up and out of bed, startling the person in bed next to me. Jane bolted upright, her hand going toward her hip instinctively.

"What are you doing here?" I pointed accusingly at her. "You scared me half to death!"

"You scared me!" She responded, her hands moving to clutch the covers.

My chest heaving, I couldn't help but notice Jane staring at my breasts. Her face flushed and she self-consciously rubbed her face as she averted her eyes. I had obviously taken off my robe when I made my way back to bed, leaving me in just my camisole. Although I felt exposed, I was too angry to feel vulnerable.

"Ma said you were sick and going back to bed so I came to check on you. I let myself in so I wouldn't wake you. You looked so peaceful sleeping here, it made me tired." She grinned at me nervously.

"And when did you decide to take your shirt off?" I asked, jerking my chin at her exposed shoulders and arms. Her classic button down was carefully hung on the back of my vanity chair, leaving her in an undershirt. A 'wife-beater' as Jane would crudely say.

"You were like a little oven cuddling up to me," she exclaimed as her face flushed again, "I was getting overheated!"

Unable to speak, I put my hands over my face. For once in my life I actually wished invisibility on myself.

"Hey, I didn't mind," she continued, a rakish grin appearing on her face, "you're a great cuddle buddy."

"I don't cuddle," I hissed through my teeth.

She simply quirked an eyebrow at me in response. My eyes tracked over her exposed flesh; the fine points of her architecture were highlighted by the sliver of sunlight that forced itself around the drapery. Her slightly Romanesque features, calculating hawk's eyes, elegant neck, and powerful hands were my undoing. She was both feminine and masculine, an unyielding combination of heady power and delicateness that begged to be made pliant under my hands. I wanted her, wanted all of her; her heart, soul, mind, and body. I needed her.

At that moment, I hated her. Hated what she could do to me without even trying. Hated that she could put me in this predicament and keep me dangling on the end of her line so easily. Hated that without her I felt like a lost little girl again and with her I felt like an adulterer.

"You should go." I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

She didn't respond, her dark eyes boring into mine. Her silence infuriated me even more. How dare she show up here again and push the knife further into my heart. She told her mother this morning that she was marrying Casey. A mere few hours later she's in my bed?

"I said I think you should go," I repeated myself, firmer this time.

"Why?" Her response wasn't what I expected. I felt the anger that was bubbling under my surface start to churn, as if molten lava was running through my veins.

"Why?" I asked, incredulous. "Because you're getting married. In December. In less than three months. 12 weeks. 84 days. In 2,016 hours from right now you will be married. To Casey. That's why you should leave."

"I don't want to leave." Her tone was steady, the classic Rizzoli stubbornness evident. "I want to be here, Maura. With you."

"You can't have it both ways," I remind her.

"Don't you think I know that?" She explodes with anger as she leaps from my bed to face off with me. I'm torn between admiring her toned legs and being furious with her.

"Jane, where are your pants?"

"I told you, I got hot. You're like a damn furnace." Silently, she retrieved her pants and unceremoniously pulled them on; leaving the zipper and button undone. If possible, she looked even more attractive and I couldn't help but lick my lips.

"What are we doing?" I asked out loud, but meant the question for myself. Wearily, I sat down on the bed to face away from her. I just couldn't look at her any longer.

"I meant what I said last night." She spoke to my back, her voice low and full of deadly intent. I had no doubt she was speaking the truth.

Still, I was so upset the cruelty that followed came naturally.

"What, that you loved me? I'd be more inclined to believe you if you didn't start planning your wedding to someone else less than eight hours later."

She exhaled painfully, as if she'd been punched in the midsection.

"I meant it," she repeated again, but I could hear the defeat in her voice.

"And I'm sure you did. However, saying something is one thing and acting on it is another. It's easy for you to play into this whole 'I have no choice in the matter' role; as if you've had an arranged marriage with Casey since birth and your parents have paid your dowry. It's easy for you to try and make me feel sorry for you when you come to my house and my bed and declare feelings of love. But it's not easy for me, Jane. And it's sure as hell not fair to me or Casey for that matter." My words come quickly; inflicting small nicks and cuts on Jane's already wounded psyche.

"You think this is easy for me?" She is so fast I don't even realize she's moved in front of me until I'm faced with her toned torso. She kneels in front of me, her eyes overflowing with anguish. "Look at my face, Maura, and tell me again that this is easy on me."

I can't look at her. I turn my head purposely, intent on making her feel some of the pain she's inflicted on me. She grabbed my chin and forced my head back until my eyes met hers.

My father killed a dog once. It wasn't his fault, he was driving the car and it ran out in front of him. He turned the wheel so violently to avoid it that my head hit against the passenger side window. Still, we both felt the telltale thump of the car tire making contact.

Once he stopped the car we sprinted to where the dog was lying. I was in med school at the time and knew immediately there was nothing we could do. The poor creature had obvious internal injuries due to the amount of blood steadily pouring out of his mouth. Still, when his eyes found ours he thumped his tail in a friendly greeting. My father knelt down and took off his overcoat, draping it across the dog. The dog's eyes flicked back and forth between the two of us, clearly in pain.

"Do something," he demanded.

"I can't." When I answered him honestly, he began to cry over the dog's stricken body. The dog began to whine in pain and I knew the end was near. Thought I was an adult, I had never seen my father cry before.

"You have to try." He asked me again, and mostly to appease him I pretended to check the dog's vitals.

"Just stay with him," I told him, "it won't be long now."

The dog looked directly at me as if it knew what I was saying. I will never forget the look in its eyes as his breath became more labored.

Shaking my head, I came back to reality. Jane's eyes were no different. I clenched my eyes until they were firmly sealed, determined to shut her out and the terrible memories of that day with my father.

"Look at me." She demanded forcefully, her hands vise-like on my shoulders. When I wouldn't comply, she grabbed me harder, causing me to wince in pain.

She let me go suddenly and my eyes opened in reflex.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she murmured softly as her hands gently traced the redness on my shoulders where she had held me. "I don't want to hurt you, Maur. I don't want to hurt anyone. Casey must have told my mother he asked me to marry him. She showed up at my doorstep first thing this morning and backed me into a corner. You know how she is."

I raised my eyebrow to her in response and she continued, stammering.

"I let her think what she wanted just to shut her up. I told her I needed time. I told both of them I needed time. I'm not ready to make any major decisions about anything right now. And as much as I love you, I can't let you force me into deciding anything either."

I remained quiet. I didn't know how to respond to her.

"Last night, after I got home, I told Casey I thought I had made a mistake. And we got in a huge fight that lasted until my mother showed up this morning. I told him that I wasn't ready to get married."

"Did you tell him about me?" I knew it was juvenile, but I couldn't help but ask.

"No," Jane answered, "my relationship with him has nothing to do with you. Even if I didn't have feelings for you, I don't know that I would want to marry him. He doesn't need to know about you right now, it would just further complicate things." She smiled slightly at me. "I panicked when Ma showed up. I know it was the wrong thing to do, because it sent very mixed messages to Casey as well. I really screwed things up and the only place I wanted to be was with you. So I left the two of them to their own devices and came here. And took most of my clothes off."

I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm still mad at you."

"I know you are," she said, "and you should be." She cleared her throat, but her words still came out in her trademark husky rasp. "But I can tell you one thing; I know I made the right choice by coming here."

"How do you know?" My voice sounds so guileless. I hated myself for falling for this, for being so vulnerable. What if she broke my heart? How would I continue?

"Because of this." The rough pad of her thumb caressed my bottom lip as her dark eagle eyes bored into mine. My breath caught in my throat and all of the blood rushed to my face.

"And this." Her strong hand palmed my breast, her long fingers easily engulfing me through the material of my shirt. My nipple immediately hardened under her touch and she moaned her approval.

"And most of all, this." She pushed my legs open roughly and knelt between my legs, peppering kisses on my thighs. Her hand still kneading my breast, the other moved around my hips to hold me firmly in place. She breathed my name over my center and I felt as if I were melting.

When I felt her tongue push inside of me, I knew I could never feel lost again. Jane had found me and had claimed me as hers.


	5. Chapter 5

Really thrilled with the amount of follows / reviews I'm receiving for this story. Thanks so much for reading & responding.

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The next time I felt myself begin to stir, I didn't linger in the middle of wakefulness and sleep. I had everything I needed next to me.

Jane was still sleeping. In repose she looked so relaxed; so much younger. Sleep freed her from the demons that tormented her consciousness; here she was safe from Hoyt and all of the other murderers she had spent what felt like a lifetime chasing.

She was on her side, one long arm flung across my midsection and the other tucked primly under her pillow. A dark tendril of hair had escaped from her messy ponytail and gently sashayed across her cheek as she inhaled and exhaled.

Looking at her here, I couldn't imagine ever being without her again. I had never felt the way Jane made me feel; no other lover, friend, or family member had completely accepted me or loved me for who I was the way that Jane did. It was almost overwhelming; knowing that someone finally knew me almost as well as I knew myself. I would never have imagined my admittedly quirky demeanor would be so worshipped by someone like Jane. She was everything I was not, but we were so similar in so many ways.

I loved her loyalty. As much as I wanted her to drop Casey like three-week old tuna fish, I admired why she couldn't. I hated it, but understood it. For example, I never quite understood people who had an affair with a married man and then were surprised when they themselves were cheated on by the same man. If Jane could so easily put her feelings aside for Casey to be with me, how could I not imagine her doing to me the same when someone else came along?

Of course, I fully expected her to tie up her loose ends with Casey as soon as possible; but I knew I couldn't push her to do anything. Jane is the most stubborn person I have ever met, and needs to be handled gently, like the high-strung mount she is. Lucky for her, the nutty off-the-track Thoroughbreds were always the lesson horses I begged to be put on; unlike the other students in my riding academy who preferred the quieter Quarter Horses or Paints.

I couldn't hold back the giggle that escaped my mouth. I could just imagine the murderous look in Jane's eyes if she knew I was lying here comparing her to an equine.

"God, even your laugh is cute," she murmured in her low voice. I closed my eyes as I felt my mouth go dry. I have never been as sexually attracted to anyone like I am to her.

When I opened my eyes, they met hers. Hazy and fuddled with the dreamy glaze of sleep, they were so velvety brown that I felt like I was swimming in a warm chocolate ocean. When she smiled at me with that big, lazy smile, I couldn't help but reciprocate.

"I feel like I need to say something utterly romantic to you," I told her before giggling again. "But all I can think of to say is how beautiful you are."

"Back atcha." Her response made me sigh in mock exasperation. "Hey, I can't think of anything either. I'm not quite with it yet." She rolled toward me, tentatively burying her face in the curve of my neck. "You blew my mind. Who knew the sex could be this good?"

I wrapped my arms tightly around her and felt her relax into my embrace.

"Most studies of sexual desire and satisfaction show results of homosexual sex being much more satisfying to both partners than heterosexual sex."

"English, please," She said and I could tell by the muscle movements against my neck that she rolled her eyes. God, I love her.

"Yes, Jane, lesbians report feeling more satisfied and generally have more orgasms than straight women. Gay men report the same."

She didn't say anything and I felt her twitch, almost imperceptibly. When she didn't move or say anything for several more seconds, I could tell that I had obviously said something that bothered her.

As difficult as it was, I remained silent. If she had something she needed to say, I had to let her do it on her own time.

Finally, she raised her head; her dark eyes troubled. Her face was so close to mine, her lips slightly parted and her tongue danced at the corner of her mouth. I wanted nothing more than to lean up and kiss her; to forever erase the doubts and insecurity I saw in her eyes.

"Is that what you are?" The words came out of her mouth slowly; deliberately. "A lesbian?"

"Labels are for clothes, Jane. Not for people." I smiled at her to take the sting out of my words. "While I understand the need for someone to want to label himself in order to be included into a group, I don't have that desire. Perhaps it's because I've never felt I fit in with any group. Personally, I've had both male and female lovers and enjoyed sex with both men and women. Having sex with a woman doesn't make me a lesbian just like having sex with a man doesn't make me straight. If I made a choice to only seek out sexual partners with a man or a woman, perhaps I'd feel more comfortable labeling myself. But up until now, I've never had the desire to become monogamous with anyone."

She took a moment to digest my diatribe, her forehead crinkling adorably.

"Well, I've never had sex with a woman before. But I like having sex with you. A lot." She waggled her eyebrows at me and a rich, full laugh escaped from my mouth. "I actually understood what it means to make love now I think and it's pretty great." She looked down, suddenly timid. "And I don't really like having sex with men. It just never felt right to me. And now I think I know why. I think maybe I'm a lesbian. I think I've always known, but I never wanted to admit it."

I waited until she made eye contact with me, her eyes still cautious. I gave her a reassuring smile. "And if you decide to label yourself that way, that's fine."

She rolled her eyes, flipping herself onto her back dramatically and flung one long arm over her forehead. "Oh man, the guys at the station are going to love this. All the teasing I've heard for years, the names, the slurs. They are never gonna let me live it down." She cracked one dark eye to look at me. "How did they know when I didn't? Do I give off a lesbian vibe?"

"Most definitely." I answered her quickly, not missing the scowl she flashed at me. "And that's not a bad thing, Jane."

She pulled the covers up over her head, groaning loudly.

"Listen to me," I demanded politely before rudely ripping the covers off from over her head. "You are a powerful woman with a badge and a gun. You emasculate them without even trying because you are more intelligent, more driven, and have a better crime resolution rate than any of them. They are intimidated by you, in awe of you, and misogynistic in their belief that they shouldn't be 'beaten' by a woman. It's ridiculous. Most of them want to date you but they are too scared to ask you out! And it's easier for them to label you as a 'man-hating lesbian' than just label you as what you are."

"And what am I?" She teased, screwing her face around much like a thirteen year-old boy would.

"You are the best detective I've ever worked with. And that's the only way I would label you."

She blushed. "Thanks, Maur."

Just as I could sense her becoming uncomfortable with the serious nature of our conversation, she cleared her throat loudly and sat upright in bed. "I can't believe it's almost dinnertime. I really should check in with Ma and Casey. I didn't leave things in a good way over there."

I couldn't help but frown. I didn't want her to leave but knew she needed to make things right. Feeling tears start to threaten, I turned away from her and began to pull on my clothes. I felt a sudden flash of anger. I hated how I was allowing this situation to leave me feeling so vulnerable and over-emotional.

We dressed in awkward silence before making our way over to my front door. I had a difficult time looking at her and I felt the tension between us increase. I didn't want to do anything that would cause her to feel upset or guilty, but a part of me needed her to know how much of a toll this had on me as well.

As she put her hand on the doorknob to leave, she turned to face me. The grief wallowing in her stricken eyes made me felt sick to my stomach. I hated what this was doing to us.

"I hate leaving you." Her words came out in a rush as if she had been trying to hold them back. "I just want to stay here with you. This is the only little bit of happiness I have in my life right now, Maur, and I don't want it to ever end." She placed her hands on the side of my face. "I love you. No matter what happens, no matter how stupidly I manage to screw everything up, please remember how much I love you."

"I love you." I started to cry; I couldn't help it. She wiped the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs.

"I'll make a deal with you, okay?" Jane smiled at me as she made my head nod in agreement. "I promise that I will make things right for us. I don't know how long it will take, but I will do my best to fix this as quickly and painlessly as possible."

I nodded now out of my own volition. Jane had never done anything that made me question her trust and I wanted to believe her.

She kissed me, and while my eyes were still closed and I was still tingling from the intensity and the promises felt in her kiss, she slipped out into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Long update today - thank again for all you continue to be interested in this story. I'm having fun with it. I think it has 4 more chapters in it...time will tell. :)

Those of you who have asked, I do plan on finishing Online Banking. I've gotten a LOT of hate about that story, which is a huge bummer. It's kind of crushed my muse, honestly. But I do plan on finishing it.

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I have always had the unusual ability to focus on multiple things at once. Generally, multitasking results in a reduction of performance compared to when focusing on one task at a time. Today at work I was trying to finish a few last minute details on an autopsy report, review Senior Criminologist Chang's on a DNA-preservation conference she attended, and track a Coach dog collar on Ebay that would look stunning on Jo Friday. I glanced at the computer; four minutes left on the auction and I was still the highest bidder. I had set a reserve on my bid but would considering going a bit above if necessary. I turned my attention back to my report. A few seconds later I lost my concentration and focused back on the computer screen.

I have to admit it; since Jane first showed up at my doorstep and declared to be in love with me, I have lost all ability to multitask. Truthfully, I have lost the ability to focus on anything other than Detective Rizzoli.

Jane. Her flashing eyes and sultry sly smile left me feeling lightheaded. The strength in her lean arms and wide shoulders made me feel protected and safe. The low rasp of her voice twisted my insides and caused me to instantly become aroused.

I love the way she needs to constantly be in motion. Even in sleep she moves; tosses about dramatically, flings her long limbs off the edge of the bed, and twists the covers around her middle. She is not the easiest person to sleep with but I would not have it any other way.

Her determination to leave my home yesterday evening and sort things out with Casey and her mother was short-lived. I had just enough time after she left to tend to Bass, complete a few household chores, do a load of laundry, and draw a hot bath before she was barging back into my house; her face enraged.

She didn't want to talk about it. Jo Friday bounced around my feet excitedly and I kneeled down to pat her. She must not have planned to return to her apartment if she brought the dog. Jane insisted I take my bath and when I emerged she had just finished paying the delivery driver for the dinner she had ordered for us.

As I set the table, Jo began to bark and bounce around Bass, who ignored her as usual. Jane scolded her and the little terrier put her ears back and skulked under the table; lying down forlornly with her head on her paws. "Even my dog is mad at me," Jane muttered as she opened the door to the refrigerator and opened a beer. Glumly she sat down, half-heartedly moving her food around on her plate.

We ate in hesitant silence but stayed in constant contact with each other; our bodies doing what our words couldn't. Our feet grazed each other's under the table, our hands stayed in contact a little too long each time we passed something to each other, and the lingering glances grew stronger and steadier each time we made eye contact.

"I said I didn't want to talk about it," she said as she settled on the couch. As she relaxed back onto the cushions she gestured for me to invade her personal space. I happily complied, tucking my legs underneath me primly and relaxing into her embrace. Jo jumped up and settled happily onto my lap. She snuggled in contently as I began to stroke her silky coat. She was such a dear little dog and I was very fond of her.

"I'm not asking you to talk about it, Jane." My reply was heartfelt as I hadn't questioned her on her quick return.

"I know you're not asking, but you're kind of asking without asking. I can tell you have a million questions." Her breath tickled my ear and I cuddled further into her. Her heart was racing underneath her thin t-shirt and I greedily absorbed the sound; thankful for her vitality and close presence.

"What I want and what is best are sometimes two different things. I believe that to be the truth in this case," I replied easily. Truth be told, I was completely content to have her with me again and a part of me didn't care the reasons that had brought her back.

"Okay," she murmured, temporarily placated.

It was so easy to sit in comfortable silence with her. As she relaxed, her heart rate slowed to its normal pace. I felt her smile against my hair as I wrapped my arm firmly around her torso. She settled on the Food Network and set the remote down on the end table before lolling her head back on the couch cushions. She sighed loudly, causing Jo to stir. With an indignant sigh, the little dog moved from my lap to the end of the couch, giving Jane a look of annoyance as she settled down.

Reaching behind me, I covered both Jane & myself with a thin blanket. Underneath the covers, I resumed my original position tucked into her and she murmured her approval.

"Will it always be like this?"

I craned my neck to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"If we make a go at this. Will it always be so easy?"

I cocked an eyebrow at her, unsure as to what she was trying to ask.

She sighed, rolling her eyes slightly.

"If we are in a relationship together," Jane asked; putting a funny tone on the word 'relationship', "will it always feel so easy to be around each other?"

Suddenly I understood. "I believe so, Jane. You and I have such a lengthy history with each other and have had a strong friendship for years. We have gone through so many things together, shared triumphs and tragedies, and I've never had anyone else in my life that I've felt as close with. I firmly believe that we have laid the path for an easy progression into a romantic relationship."

She took a few minutes to mull over my response.

"Well, we know the sex isn't a problem," she retorted cockily. I pinched her inner thigh in response and she jumped, her eyes darkening as she glared at me.

Unabashed, I bit my lower lip, allowing my tongue to peek out slightly.

"Do that again," she husked, her eyes becoming dangerously serious.

I obeyed, swallowing loudly.

Before I could react I felt her lips on mine. I leaned into her kiss, my hands winding themselves through her hair as I pressed myself against her.

She growled low in her throat, and as her hands found my hips I moved to straddle her. She hissed with approval as she pulled my pelvis down roughly to make contact with hers. Holding my hips firmly, she moved me in in slow circles as she thrust upward, the rough seam of her jeans rubbing against my center in an agonizing act of pleasurable torture.

Leaving my mouth, her lips found their way to my neck and she latched on; nibbling and gently biting my sensitive skin. I moaned as she ran her tongue over my earlobe and my entire body shuddered. I moved my hand down to the button on her jeans and savagely pulled it open. Struggling with her zipper, she tiled her pelvis upwards so I could pull it down. Within seconds my hand was surrounded by clinging heat and I pushed through her wetness to touch her where she wanted me the most. She was on fire and I was quickly consumed by her flame. She latched onto my neck, her hands clawing up and down my back as I pushed my fingers inside of her.

"Oh god," she groaned against my skin. She resumed her ministrations with her mouth and I trembled as she ran a hand up my inner thigh. Easily moving my skimpy silk shorts aside, she plunged two fingers inside of me, and the sheer pleasure I was feeling was overwhelming.

She was everywhere; inside of me, around me, and although I knew her mouth was surely marking my skin, I didn't care. It would serve as proof; proof that Jane loved me and desired me.

Abruptly, Jane pulled her fingers away. "You have got to be kidding me," she gruffed as she gently removed my hand from inside of her jeans.

"What's the matter?" As I asked, I realized that Jo was barking and someone was angrily knocking at the door.

"You expecting anyone?"

I shook my head no. Jane extricated herself from underneath me and re-fastened her jeans. The knocking didn't stop and she scowled as Jo continued to bark. I watched her grab rifle through her duffle bag and remove the small leather bag where she kept her firearm before heading over to the door. As she looked through the peephole, her shoulders deflated. Turning to face me, she frowned.

"I'm sorry in advance."

I knew it must either be Casey or Angela. I quickly tried to make myself presentable, pulling my thin robe over my pajamas and attempting to fix my mussed hair.

She opened the door to reveal Casey, complete with unhappy scowl.

"Jane, I've been trying to reach you. Why aren't you answering your phone?"

I remained on the couch, unsure as to what I should do. I could tell from his tone that this wasn't going to go well, and I was extremely uncomfortable.

"I turned my phone off because I don't want to talk." Her response was clipped.

"That's irresponsible. What if you had a case and needed to be reached?" His fatherly, condescending demeanor was off-putting, even to me. I knew it would make her furious. I stood up, fixing my robe to ensure I was covered enough to make a graceful exit.

"Then they would call Maura's phone." She smiled at him; the same saccharine smile I had seen her offer to a suspect before pinning them to a wall and handcuffing them. This did not bode well for him.

Casey looked past her to see me making my way out of the room. His eyes narrowed at me and I froze guiltily.

"Why is she dressed like that?" He gestured toward me. I felt myself blush and I tossed my hair, hoping to cover the hematoma that Jane had surely left on my neck.

"Her?" Jane snorted. "She always dresses like that."

He looked momentarily assuaged as I shrugged in agreement. I then made a quick and awkward exit. Jo trotted after me, obviously wanting to avoid the tension.

I closed the bedroom door open as Jo jumped up on my bed. I heard my front door click softly and by the following silence, knew that they had gone outside. Jo sighed and I tried to comfort the both of us.

It felt like hours had passed, but in reality it was less than thirty minutes before Jane returned; her eyes apologetic, her posture distant.

"I'm sorry," she murmured as she climbed into bed. "I locked up and shut the lights."

Nodding, I slid in beside her; making sure my alarm was set before I turned off the bedside lamp. The room was bathed in darkness.

The silence was deafening and the distance between us palpable. The soft rustle of the covers came as a relief and my heart lurched when Jane's hand found mine.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. Her voice was thick with emotion.

I said nothing. I had no idea what to say to her; how to react, or even how I should be feeling at this point. I was flooded with emotions, an unusual occurrence for me.

"Do you remember when Hoyt had you and I thought he was going to….to," her voice cracked and she was unable to finish her sentence. She clenched my hand tighter.

Closing my eyes, I willed the haunted memories away. Of course I remembered; Jane was tied and powerless and that sick bastard had used a Taser to render me unable to fight back as he had a scalpel to my neck. I still don't know how she managed to stop both Hoyt and his apprentice. It was nothing short of a miracle that we both left that hospital room alive.

"I couldn't let him hurt you. I would have died trying to save you." She was crying.

She pulled her hand away from mine and I felt inexpiably empty without her touch.

"I know."

"It scares me how much I love you, Maur. You have no idea." Her voice came out no louder than a whisper and I was struck by the sincerity of her words. She reached over to touch my face; hesitantly, as if she needed proof that I was still alive and well next to her before pulling away like the fleeting touch of a dragonfly's wings on a hot summer day. "I've never felt like this before with anyone. I didn't know that I could ever love someone like I love you. It scares me. What if something happens to you? What if we break up? What if I lose you forever?"

I don't say anything. I don't know how to answer her. I've learned that life is much too short to make a promise I can't keep. And truthfully, Jane's fears are the exact same ones that I have. I watched her shoot herself, for heaven's sake.

"In a way, it would be so easy to marry Casey. I do love him, but in a different way than I love you. I could be his wife and be not totally miserable. The sex is tolerable; and it's not like it happens all that much or anything. Ma would be happy and I wouldn't have to change anything about myself and I wouldn't be disrupting anybody."

'Except me', I told myself.

"Except you," she responded lowly. "I could go through with the marriage to make everything easier on everyone else except for the one person I love more than anything."

"You could." My voice sounded foreign to my ears. "If you think you'd be happier marrying Casey, than that is what you should do."

"I wouldn't be happier, Maur. But it would be easier in a lot of ways." She sighed as she rolled over toward me. Wrapping me in her long arms she kissed the side of my head sweetly. "Roll over, let me hold you."

I eagerly complied; smiling as I felt her fit perfectly in behind me.

"I thought you said you didn't cuddle," she teased; her voice sing-song.

"I don't."

"I guess I'm the exception then?" She questioned and I was shocked by the insecurity in her voice.

"You are." Tears that I weren't even aware had been brewing slipped down my cheeks. I bit back a sob.

She hugged me tighter. "Shhh. Don't cry, sweetie."

I shook my head as I wiped my eyes. "I'm not."

"You're still a terrible liar." She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry to upset you. I'm so mixed up right now, Maur. I've always faced my fears and I hate that I'm so scared to do the right thing. I can't keep avoiding them. They won't let up; I know how they are. Tomorrow I'll get everything sorted out. I promise."

I didn't respond to her, instead nodding gently in agreement.

We laid in silence for several minutes; Jane's breath hot on the back of my neck. Gently she began to stroke my arm, quickly expanding her territory to include the sides of my breast down to my hip.

"You have to know that I choose you," she whispered in my ear before taking my earlobe between her teeth and nibbling. My entire body trembled in response to her touch; her words. Her hand boldly palmed my breast, her fingers deftly flicking my nipple. "Do you really think I could marry him? See you at work every day knowing how you good you smell and how you amazing you taste?" I groaned as her hand moved down to cup my wetness through my shorts. "Try to forget how soft and wet you are? How perfectly you fit in my arms?"

Before I can reply she moved on top of me, rolling me effortlessly beneath her. In the inky darkness I could see the white flash of her smile. "You're unforgettable, Maura Isles. And you're mine."

Her hands quickly removed my clothing and mine hers. We met in a tangle of limbs, hands, tongues, and lips. Our lovemaking was slow and deliberate; a stark contrast to before. Each touch staked our claim on each other; each lingering glance a promise of what was to come.

Exhausted, Jane fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. I laid awake, listening to her steady breathing. I loved the way the sounds of her moving combined with Jo's gentle snores. Jane refused to lose contact with me all night; regardless of how often she fidgeted in her sleep she always had part of her body on or next to mine.

Her clinginess carried over to the morning. After she insisted on sharing a shower we scurried around trying to avoid being late to work.

"Why did Sunday have to go by so fast?" Jane whined into the mirror as I started the intricate process of putting on my makeup.

"It has been proven that 'time does fly when you're having fun'," I responded smugly as I applied my eye shadow. She waggled her eyebrows at me as I continued my morning ritual.

Grabbing me from behind she pushed her pelvis into my buttocks, causing me to almost smudge my mascara.

"Jane!" I laughed as she made a silly face into the mirror.

"Better cover this up," she said as she lightly kissed the obnoxious hickey she had left on my neck. "Sorry about that, by the way."

I glanced at her laughing eyes in the mirror. "You are so not sorry!" I held the mascara wand up threateningly. "Let me go or I'll make you look like a raccoon."

She immediately released me, putting her hands up in mock surrender. "I gotta run; I need to get there a bit early today. I'll take Jo out and feed her before I go. Do you mind if she stays here for the day?" Jane looked hopeful, and I know she didn't want to chance running into Casey at her apartment.

"Of course not. She and Bass can entertain each other." I turned to face her, giving her a quick kiss. "I'll see you in a bit."

She pulled me into another kiss; this one laden with seductive intent. I melted into her arms and groaned in disapproval when she finally pulled away.

"That will get us through the day." She nipped my nose playfully. "I love you."

"I love you."

I couldn't help but smile as I heard her bumbling around downstairs, crashing into things in her hurry to get to work. I finished getting ready, tended to Bass, and tidied up the bedroom and bathroom as I always did each morning. I made my way into the living room, fixing the couch pillows and folding up the blanket. Intent on finishing up in the kitchen before I left; as there was nothing more satisfying than coming home to a spotlessly clean house, I stopped in my tracks when I saw the mess Jane had made. Jo's kibble had been haphazardly put in one of my antique serving bowls, stray pieces of kibble littering the tiled floor. She had used a mixing bowl big enough for making a sheet cake as a water dish and the little dog could barely put her head over to get a drink. I dumped it, putting a small dish of water out for her instead. Jane's duffle bag was sitting on the counter, pieces of clothing hanging out and the rest of her personal items were strewn about the dining room. One of her boots was sitting on the dining table. I couldn't find the other one.

Shaking my head, I began to pick up her belongings. I wanted to be angry with her, but I couldn't. Each article of clothing was proof of her commitment to be here. I held her t-shirt to my nose and inhaled her unique scent. I couldn't wait to see her again.

After everything was orderly, I gave Jo a quick pat before heading to work. I didn't see Jane on my way down to the morgue. When I reached my desk I found a steaming travel cup of coffee and a small bag from my favorite café waiting for me. Under the bag was a note from Jane that read '_Off with Korsak for a bit. Will be down when I get back. –J' _

A beep from my computer alerted me back to the present. It had been over four hours since I had gotten Jane's note and I hadn't heard from her. I knew she wasn't out on a case, or I would have been notified. I had less than a minute left before the auction was over and I stared at my computer screen watching the seconds tick down.

I was still the high bidder with thirty seconds to go when another bid came in that was over my reserve.

"Shoot." I clicked on the bid option, bumping my bid up by another $5.00.

Still outbid.

"Dammit." I clicked again, twenty-three seconds to go. Bumping my bid up by another $5.00, I was hoping it was enough to win the collar. I clicked on the button and again, was the high bidder.

"Yes!" I raised both arms in triumph as the seconds ticked down. At thirteen seconds, a higher bid came in.

"You've got to be kidding me," I remarked angrily as I hurriedly tried to enter a higher bid. Just as I was about to confirm my bid, someone walked into my office without knocking.

I turned, startled to find Casey standing in front of my desk, his eyes angry.

He caused me to almost jump out of my chair when he slammed the door shut with forceful intensity. "Maura, we need to talk. Now."


	7. Chapter 7

I was unable to move for several seconds, my eyes wide with surprise. Casey looked positively furious; his posture rigid and eyes harsh.

"Casey," I stated as a greeting. I glanced at my computer screen, seeing that time had run out before I was able to complete my bid. I bit the corner of my lip in annoyance before closing the Ebay window.

He didn't move as I stood and crossed from behind my desk. I felt he was trying to intimidate me and I wasn't about to let myself appear threatened by his rude demeanor.

"Excuse me," I said abruptly as I made a point of reaching behind him to return the door to its previously open position. "Now, what can I help you with?"

His eyes narrowed even further. Normally good-looking, the barely-concealed anger didn't resonate well on his classic features.

"Where's Jane?" His words came out rushed; staccato-like.

I shrugged. "It's not my turn to watch her. I'm assuming she's somewhere doing her job."

His hands clenched into fists and I resisted the urge to shrink away from him. I was determined to maintain my composure and other than his bizarre conduct now; had no reason to fear him. Still, his behavior made me a little nervous.

"I need to know what's going on between the two of you." His voice was low; his tone deadly serious.

I felt my face flush. I thought I saw a hint of a smirk appear on his face and I knew I wouldn't be able to come up with lie that would convince him of anything.

"I'm not sure what you're asking," I responded cagily, hoping to buy myself some time.

"You know exactly what I'm asking, Maura. Don't play stupid." He took a step toward me, his height easily dwarfing mine. I knew he wanted to intimidate me; to bully me into telling him everything. I honestly had no idea how he had found out my relationship with Jane; perhaps he was acting on a hunch. He certainly wouldn't be the first person to suspect that there was something more than friendship between us.

I refused to answer him.

"I expect you tell me what's going on," he tried again, his eyes furious. "In the middle of our planning our wedding she runs out on me. I find her at your house, flustered, with you practically naked. You don't think that seems strange?"

Shrugging again, I lifted my head confidently so my eyes met his. "I have nothing to say to you, Casey. And I'd like you to leave." I gave him a polite smile. "Now."

His eyes flickered to my neck. I wore a thin scarf that covered the mark Jane had left. His hands clenched again as his eyes darted from my neck to my eyes. He wanted to remove the scarf from my neck, I knew.

I lifted my chin higher, daring him to make a move. My gaze never wavered and I couldn't believe how unafraid I felt. I was filled with a heady confidence; a rush of euphoric self-reliance I hadn't felt in a very long time.

"Answer my question and I'll leave," he spoke through clenched teeth, "I deserve an answer."

"Yes you do," I responded truthfully, "and I'm sure you'll have your answer soon enough. However, I am in no position to speak to you about your relationship with Jane. And, because I don't feel the need to delve into my personal business on your request, we are done here. I'll ask you nicely once more to leave."

"And if I don't leave, then what?" He mocked cruelly. A little sliver of fear began to develop and I struggled to maintain my composure. "You'll call security? Tsk tsk, Maura, you're jumpy, aren't you? I thought we were friends." He cocked his head at me as he took a step in my direction. My stance never faltered as I continued to stare at him. "All of this drama when all I want is an answer to my question. Jane's so secretive about everything, but I had a lot of free time in her apartment while the two of you were doing who knows what." He glanced at my scarf again, a sly smile appearing on his face. "I had time to look around and find a few things. Incriminating evidence, as Jane would say."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I gave him a wide smile that contradicted I felt on the inside. "If I were you, I wouldn't brag about rummaging through Jane's personal items. She isn't going to be happy to hear that you violated her privacy."

"She violated my trust," he hissed as his hand reached for his back pocket. I froze, unsure as to what he was reaching for. My breathing quickened and I felt my heart race. Did he have a gun?

He handed me a rolled-up notebook. "This belong to you? It has your name on it."

I took the notebook from him with barely-trembling hands. Inside I recognized Jane's slanted handwriting. The only word, _Maura_, was written at the top of the paper and the rest of the lines were filled with music notes upon lines. A sonata.

My eyes narrowed. It has been years since I last attempted to read a piece of sheet music, but it looked to be well-written and as I followed the progression of the notes I heard it played in my mind. I had no idea Jane could compose music and I was floored she would write and name something after me.

The upright piano in her apartment was one of the first things I noticed when I first spent time in her living room. An antique piece, her piano had obviously been lovingly restored and looked well-played. When I asked her if she was a pianist, she blushed and quickly changed the subject. Still, she had the hands of the musician and not many people would want to waste the space a piano required; especially in a small Boston apartment. I just assumed she played in private and never felt the need to question her about it.

I felt my cheeks flush; not with embarrassment but with pride. My eyes shining, I gave him a genuine smile.

"This is your incriminating evidence? A piece of sheet music? You make a lousy detective, Casey."

Before I could react, he backed me up against my desk. His hand moved to my scarf and I gasped as he grabbed it roughly from my neck.

"Don't you dare touch me!" I shouted as I pushed him away. I looked out through the open door, hoping someone else was around. Senior Criminologist Susie Chang was always interrupting me at the most inopportune times; it would figure she's not around now when I could use a friendly face. I needed my encounter with Casey to end immediately; he had crossed the line several times and I wasn't comfortable with his behavior or his actions.

"Oh, I think I have enough evidence now," his sly smile made my stomach recoil. He ran the soft silk scarf between his fingers as he arched his eyebrows at me. "Perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to leave last night. It looks like I missed a hell of a show. I have to ask, which one of you is the man?"

How dare he turn what Jane and I shared last night into something disgusting? My distress suddenly turned to anger. I felt the white-hot ire begin to course through my veins and I responded to him with a dazzling smile. He had no idea who he was up against.

I have never considered myself an angry person. I've always preferred to use logic to sort out my feelings and prided myself on not letting my emotions control me. When I've been angry in the past I've been very successful using calming techniques or yoga to negate all of my annoyances.

However, no amounts of downward dogs or meditations will repudiate the liquid fury that had consumed my entire body.

"The man?" I scoffed at him. "Oh please. You know, it's exhausting to hear the same tropes over and over. If Jane chooses to be with a woman it very well would have nothing to do with your manhood," I glanced at his crotch, "or lack thereof."

He gritted his teeth at me.

"You've never dabbled in the homoerotic adventures that lurk in the darkness during the long and lonely military nights? I wouldn't judge, it's perfectly normal to be curious about the pleasures of the same-sex. If you are truly straight, then you know as well as I do just how incredible the female body is."

"So soft." I quirked my upper lip and closed my eyes briefly. "And of all the female bodies I've ever seen, Jane's is truly the most remarkable."

He opened his mouth to speak but was unable to form any words. I had won and now it was my turn to intimidate him. I took a decisive step in his direction and caused him to step back.

"I don't blame you for being upset. If I felt Jane slipping through my fingers; oh, I'm sorry – that was a poor choice of words on my part." I grinned slyly at him. "Let me rephrase. If I felt I was losing Jane, I'd do everything in my power to avoid it. But you're forgetting the most important thing."

"What's that?" He asked softly, his eyes defeated. I almost felt sorry for him.

I took another step back, forcing him now into the doorframe of my office.

"Jane is not your possession. You don't own her, control her, or tell her what to do." I pointed my finger at him and poked him in the chest. "How dare you rifle through her personal belongings? How dare you show up at my house and disrupt my professional duties here? She has asked you multiple times for space and you're unwilling to give it to her. If you really knew her; really loved her, you'd realize what a huge mistake you've made. But all you care about is your ego. You're pathetic."

I placed my hand on his and deftly removed my scarf from his possession. I jutted my chin out at him as I retied it over my neck.

"Now, I suggest you leave. I'm not one to make idle threats, Casey. I will have you forcibly removed and I will make sure the officers emphasize the forcible part."

His eyes full of hatred; he turned around and took a step toward the elevator before abruptly stopping.

"Keep moving." I ordered.

Suddenly, Jane's head popped up from behind Casey's frame.

"Whoa, tiger." Her dark eyes were flashing with mirth as they fixated on mine. "Am I interrupting something?" 


	8. Chapter 8

"I was just leaving," Casey said; his eyes nervous.

"What are you doing here?" Jane's response was straight-forward, her smile forced. "I told you this morning that we would talk later."

"That's what you keep saying," he stated, "but then we don't resolve anything. So I took matters into my own hands."

"And what does that mean?" Jane's glanced at me; concerned, and I tried to show her with my eyes that I was fine. My eyes darted back and forth between her and Casey as I smoothed my skirt with my hands nervously.

"If you'll excuse me, I have few things that I need to finish." I turned back into my office and closed the door, my hands shaking. I hoped they would take their argument elsewhere, but as I sat back down at my desk I heard Jane's voice; shrill, and saw her hands gesticulating wildly through the frosted glass surrounding my door.

I quickly pulled up Pandora radio on my computer and adjusted the volume of the speakers, hoping to drown out their voices. I didn't want to hear anything that was said and I needed to distance myself from both of them at this moment. When I could still hear the angry rumble of their conversation over the classical music station I had chosen, I put my head in my hands and tried to plug my ears.

After graduating from college, my aunt moved in with us. She had the most beautiful dog; a copper-colored Irish Setter named Jackie with an impressive flowing tail and the longest, most silky ears I had ever seen. As a young child, I loved nothing more than to sit and read a book with the dog's head resting gently on my lap as I stroked her ears lovingly. I adored having my aunt there; after I was supposed to be asleep I'd crawl into her bed to watch Dallas and Knots Landing. Too young to understand most of what was going on, she would cover my eyes or plug my ears at the particularly racy parts.

One evening, long after my bedtime, I snuck back down the hall into my bedroom, stepping over the sleeping dog on the way. I must have scared her because she snapped and bit my ankle. I screamed in fright, the dog went running, and my aunt raced to my aid. I must have awoken my mother because she appeared out of nowhere. When questioned about my injury, I tried to lie and say nothing had happened as I didn't want Jackie to get in trouble. The floor was bloody; the bright red drops a stark contrast to the impeccable white carpet.

My mother shut me in my bedroom with an icepack on my ankle. Behind my closed door, I heard her shout at my aunt for what felt like forever. From then on, Jackie had to be shut away in my aunt's room and my late night trips to her bedroom were over. I'll never forget the pathetic snuffling that came from under the door as I'd walk past. My aunt moved out soon after that, and Jackie died shortly after from eating a bag of latex balloons.

Tragic. I shook my head, trying to erase the memories as I sat, shut out again. Suddenly, my door flew open and I startled upright to meet Jane's outraged face. She lunged toward my desk, her eyes full of deadly intent. "He put his hands on you?"

"What? No. Well, yes, kind of," I stammered as I squirmed in my seat.

Casey stood in the doorway with his face ghastly white.

Crossing over to my chair, Jane crouched down and placed a tender hand on my arm. "I need you to tell me what happened. Everything." Her gaze was soft and reassuring.

I didn't want to get him in trouble. None of this was really his fault, and while his behavior was irrepressible, I would be absolutely overwhelmed if I were in his position.

"Nothing happened, like I told you. I came here to talk to Maura. I needed to find out what was going on with you." Casey's voice was pure desperation; high-pitched and frantic.

"Don't speak," Jane gritted at him; her wild mane of hair whipping back and forth as she turned her attention back to me, "Please tell me what happened."

"He came here to talk and wanted to know where you were. I told him I didn't know. We discussed a few things." I averted my eyes. "That's all."

"Bullshit." The force of her word made me turn my head away from her penetrating gaze. "He let it slip that he took your scarf from you. I'm assuming you didn't hand it over without a fight."

I said nothing. I wasn't going to lie to her and I wasn't going to put the final nail in his coffin for her, either.

"I can stand up for myself, Jane, and I did so." My voice, although soft, was proud. "I'm fine. Actually, the only thing bothering me is how the past thirty minutes have me seriously questioning my professionalism. I don't appreciate being interrupted at the office with personal business, at least not personal business of this nature. I'd appreciate it if you two could finish things upstairs or outside." Standing up, I think I surprised all of us. "For goodness sakes, let the dead at least have their peace."

Abashed, Jane's eyes were stricken. "You're right. I'm sorry." She lowered her voice as she started directly at Casey. "I just have to say one more thing," she stood and bore down on Casey as if he was a defenseless mouse and she a powerful hawk, fixated on the kill. "If you ever," she spat each word, "ever lay a hand on her again or even nod in her direction, I will make you very sorry."

He returned her gaze in stony silence. After a few minutes she added, "Go home, Casey."

"So this is it?" He asked as he threw his hands up. A few days ago you accept my proposal, yesterday we're planning our wedding with your mother, and today we're through?"

"Yeah," she rasped; her eyes full of sorrow. Silent for a beat, she added, "I didn't plan for it to be this way, I really didn't."

He didn't say anything for several long seconds. Jane continued to stand between us, her hands on her hips. She looked as miserable as he did and I stared down at my desk and pretended Senior Criminologist Chang's notes were fascinating.

"I don't think it has to be like this. I'm a fighter, Jane. I'll fight for you. This isn't over, it can't be."

I looked up in surprise and saw his eyes flick toward mine. She practically growled, her nostrils flared. He quickly avoided my eyes. "Casey, this is a fight you can't win. Go home."

He clenched his fists at his sides before fixating her with a sad smile. Without a word, he walked toward the elevator, leaving Jane and I alone.

Once he was truly gone, she groaned, her hands mussing up her wild mane of unkempt hair. Throwing herself down on my couch, she covered her head with her hands and sighed.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, I said the first thing I could think of. "Thank you for the muffin this morning. It was delicious."

To my surprise, she began to laugh. A malicious chuckle at first, it evolved into a cackle, and finally a guffaw. She fell over on her side, holding her stomach as she laughed. She continued to laugh until tears ran down her flushed face.

I tossed my head; indignant at being laughed at. "Why is that funny?"

After she was able to regain her composure, she gestured with her hands. "You know Maur, muffin." She waggled her eyebrows and quirked her lip before repeating herself with a funny voice, "muffin."

I shook my head in confusion. "I don't understand the reference."

"And that's why I love you." She grinned at me from across the room.

Taking a deep breath, she blew her hair out of her face, mussing it worse than it had been. "This is messed up, huh?"

I nodded in agreement.

She turned very serious. "Did he hurt you? Scare you? Tell me Maur, please."

It was impossible for me to keep anything from her. "He frightened me a little, honestly. I asked him to leave and he wouldn't. He tried to intimidate me. He succeeded, honestly, but then I became angry. I feel I may have hurt his feelings. He didn't hurt me but he did remove my scarf without my permission."

Her jaw twitched, her eyes darkening with unbridled rage.

"He knows about us. I don't know how. I didn't tell him anything, but he told me he went through your things." I picked up the sheet music that had fallen to my desk. "He found this." I stood from my chair and went over to her, sitting down on the couch after handing it to her. "Did you write this for me?"

"Yeah," she rasped. Her intelligent eyes scanned the sonata. "A long time ago." A fleeting smile graced her lips and then disappeared.

"It sounded beautiful," I mentioned. She looked at me in surprise and I pointed toward my brain. "From how I imagined it, it sounded beautiful."

"It is," she smiled again and this one stuck, "it is beautiful. Beautiful like you. Beautiful like how you make me feel." Gently, she placed a chaste kiss on my cheek.

Standing up, she returned the sheet music to my desk. "You know, this morning when I woke up with you, I told myself that I could never go back to way I felt before we were together. I couldn't let myself settle for anyone else. I couldn't worry about the disappointment my family would feel if I didn't marry Casey. I couldn't live a lie."

I held my breath in anticipation of what her next words would be.

"I told Korsak what has been going on. He told me I was a coward for not doing the right thing all along. He's right. I was a coward. But not anymore. This is over; now. I'm not putting this off any longer, not for once second. Because all I can think of right now is how much I love you. And how much I can't waste one more second of our lives worrying about anyone else but each other." She smiled, and her face looked more relaxed than I had seen it look in ages. "That okay with you?"

"Perfect." My voice came out no louder than a whisper. "It sounds perfect."


	9. Chapter 9

My heels clicked a perfect metronome-worthy tempo as I stepped off of the elevator. Walking briskly into the detective's squad room, I bit back a smile as I saw Jane seated at her desk.

She was relaxed in her chair; leaning back so the front legs were off of the ground. Her feet were up on her desk, legs crossed lazily at the ankles, and I could see a pen sticking out of her mouth as she fidgeted with the other end.

I could almost see her ears perk up as she recognized my footfalls. Lolling her head back to greet me with a wide grin, she maintained her causal position as I crossed in front of her.

"Hi," she said, still sporting her smile.

"On average, one-hundred people choke on a ballpoint pen each year. Based on your delicate balancing act with your body on the very precipice of your chair, you're putting yourself at a much higher risk of choking on said pen when you fall."

Korsak bit back a laugh as Jane rolled her eyes dramatically. She took the pen from her mouth and returned her chair to normal position. She did leave her legs up on her desk, but I couldn't complain as she was in a much safer position.

"What's up, Doc?" Korsak asked as he chuckled as his own joke.

"It's never funny," Jane muttered at him with a scowl.

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "I think Vince's attempt at humor is charming, Jane."

"Yeah," he sneered at her, "I'm charming."

"Alright you two, that's enough," I said, feeling much like a schoolteacher. "I came to give you the McNee autopsy results."

Jane practically jumped up from her chair, snatching the file from my hands. "Great, thanks for getting the results back so fast!"

"I stayed through the night to finish everything up," I responded softly and Jane flashed me a guilt-ridden look. "I knew you were anxious to know if you should proceed in your homicide investigation."

Yesterday after Casey's untimely visit, Jane and I picked up a case. An elderly man was found dead in his home by his afternoon nurse; a chef's knife protruding from his midsection. There wasn't much to go on; no signs of forced entry, nothing was missing from the home, and the victim's children were positive that his nurse would never harm him.

Jane had spent several hours interrogating the nurse, the victim's children, and the neighbor who had a long-standing feud with the victim. Left with only the forensics to complete, she left, grudgingly to go and sort things out with Casey.

Other than a quick text late in the evening, I hadn't heard from her. Her text relayed that Casey wasn't taking the news well and it was taking longer than she had thought.

Jane's eyes finished scanning the documents. "An accident? Are you sure, Maur?"

I nodded my head. "Positively. Based on the circumstances, it appears Mr. McNee was preparing an elaborate lunch for himself. My theory is while slicing an onion he dropped some on the floor, and not wanting his dog to consume it, he hurried to pick it up. Because of his advanced age and terrible vertigo, when he leaned over he lost his balance, tripped on the throw rug, and impaled himself. He landed directly on the blade, causing intense organ damage and severe bleeding. Because the victim was on blood-thinning medication due to his pre-existing heart condition, bleeding was severe and death was almost immediate."

"God, what a way to go," Vince mumbled.

Closing the file, Jane handed it back to me. "Wow. Remind me to keep Jo out of the kitchen when I'm cooking."

I smirked at her. "You cook?"

Aghast, she grew wide-eyed with surprise. "I cook. All the time."

"The microwave can vouch for it!" Vince chortled.

Jane reacted quickly, throwing a piece of crumpled paper at him. He deflected it and as she was about to re-load, I interrupted her.

"I was thinking of going to lunch early, would you care to join me?" I directed my statement solely to Jane as I was craving some alone time with her.

"You bet." Turning to Vince, she smiled sweetly. "Korsak, can you handle things while we go to lunch?"

He gave us a knowing smile, his eyes twinkling. "Only if you bring me back something. Take your time, slow day today."

Jane nodded in agreement. Placing a protective hand on my lower back, we made our way to the elevators. Just as the doors were about to close, an unseen voice requested to hold the elevator. Jane reached to push the 'door open' button but hit the 'door close' at the last minute. "Sorry!" She gave the face that appeared between the rapidly-closing doors an unconvincing remorseful look as the doors snapped shut.

"Jane!" I admonished, my face cracking into a smile, "That was so mean!" I pushed the button for the lobby.

"Couldn't help it. Had to kiss you. In withdrawl. Dying." She clutched at her throat and acted as if she may faint.

Chuckling, I slid closer to her and stood on my tip-toes to place a gentle kiss on her mouth. I felt her smile under my lips as she returned my kiss greedily. I felt myself become lost in the essence of her as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me snugly to her.

My hands found the planes of her body underneath her blazer and she groaned her approval when my hand grazed the underside of her breast.

The gentle sway of the elevator coming to rest under my feet caused us to realize where we were and I pulled away from her, demurely smoothing my clothes. As the doors dinged open, her hand returned itself to my lower back and she guided me out toward the street.

"Jane."

A commanding voice caused her to stop in her tracks. I remained facing the door, my eyes closing with apprehension.

"Ma, I'm not doing this here." Jane growled in greeting as her mother appeared at her side. "I told you already, it's over. Let it go."

"What do you think you're doing?" Angela hissed, unsuccessful at keeping her voice down. "You're making a terrible mistake."

"Wow," she responded with her eyebrows raised. "That's a great thing to say, thanks for that!" She gave her trademark 'I'd rather be shooting you' smile as she returned her hand firmly to my back. "Now, we're going. Buh-bye!"

"I don't understand," she wailed as she threw her hands up in the air, much like Jane did when she was also frustrated.

"You don't have to, as I don't need to explain myself to you." Jane called over her shoulder as we exited the precinct.

I had hoped that Angela would have been placated by Jane's brisk tone and obvious unwillingness to discuss the situation, but to our avail, she followed us out into the parking lot.

"Jane," Angela barked, "slow down. Jane. JANE." The older woman shuffling behind us finally caught up.

"Am I am in hell? Wait, I'm being Punk'd, right? That's it, where are the cameras?" Jane's sarcasm was at an all-time high, every feature of her exaggerated. "Maura, do I look like I am in the mood for this right now?"

I shook my head briskly.

"Just talk to me. I'm your mother and I love you. Poor Casey is so upset, he's beside himself. He can't believe you left him, especially for another man. How could you do that to him? And who's the other man? Casey said he was a doctor? Are you serious with him? Who is he? Is he handsome? How come I've never met him?"

Jane's jaw dropped, and I was sure the surprise on her face mirrored the disbelief on my own.

"He told you what?" Jane's voice came out as a stammer. "And when did you even talk to him? And why?"

"He told me you were in love with someone else. He wouldn't tell me who, just said it was a doctor. He came by this morning to the Café to say goodbye to me. He's heartbroken. Shipping out again in the morning, but I guess you know that. Now who is this doctor?"

"Oh my god." Jane ran her hands through her unkempt hair and glanced up toward the sky. She sighed, clearly unsure as to what to say to her mother.

The three of us stood in awkward silence for a few seconds.

Finally, Jane spoke, her words coming out in a low rasp. "Ma, I'd like to introduce you to who I'm in love with. I'd like that a lot."

Angela's eyes became huge. "Ok, when can I meet him?"

"Now," Jane said softly, a shy smile appearing on her face. She wrapped her arm around my waist easily, as if she had always held me so. I settled into her embrace and smiled nervously.

Angela looked confused, glancing at me for clarification. I offered nothing, letting Jane have the control in this situation. Angela looked back at Jane, whose expression remained unchanged.

"I don't understand," she stammered nervously, her hands dropping to her sides, "Janie, what are you telling me?"

"It's Maura. She's the doctor I'm in love with," she answered easily.


End file.
